


Five things Sgt. Bates wants to tell Teyla, but never does.

by raven_lore



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-15
Updated: 2009-11-15
Packaged: 2017-10-02 21:21:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_lore/pseuds/raven_lore





	Five things Sgt. Bates wants to tell Teyla, but never does.

1\. "You would have liked him."

Even if it would have taken time, he knows it's the truth. Sumner and Teyla would have gotten along in the end. She would have learned to see the fairness and the good man behind the brisk manners and the stern façade. And he would have learned to appreciate her advice and understood the tactical importance of keeping her close. They would have never been friends, the way she is friends with Sheppard, but they would have respected each other. But that's a whole bunch of 'woulds' and Sumner is dead. There's no reason to really tell her, so he remains silent.

2\. "I'm sorry we woke up the Wraith."

He knows she would probably answer that it wasn't their fault, that the Wraith were going to wake up no matter what, but he feels responsible anyway. Damn, it seems that, every time they step through the Gate, they start some catastrophic series of events. He knows he's exaggerating. He also knows he's not out here to worry about that. His duty is to protect his people, his planet. So he swallows down the apologies and does his job, ignoring the guilt that boils up inside him.

3\. "Take care of them."

He wants to say it every time Sheppard's team prepare to go through the Gate, because… Well, because she's the one going with them and Atlantis needs them to come back.

They need Sheppard. He's not Sumner, he wasn't the right man for the job, but he's doing it better than any of them would, and, as crazy as it may sound, he's good for the men's morale.

They need McKay. They need his genius. Bates knows that there are other good scientists on the expedition, but no one is in his league. And, even if they can work without him, they miss something when he's not there to inspire them, in a sarcastic and pushy way, but inspiring all the same.

And then there's Ford. Aiden is not that much younger than him, but that's not how it looks. He's a good soldier and a good officer, but it's his spirit that makes him special, his enthusiasm. They need him to remind them that this is a great adventure.

At every mission they risk losing one of them and the only person he could ask to look after them is Teyla. But he doesn't trust her, he can't trust her, if he wants to do his job in the right way. So he clamps his mouth shut and watches them step through the Gate, hoping that she'll do it anyway.

4\. "You're the most beautiful woman I ever met."

It didn't take long to notice it, after all he's got eyes. But for some time at the beginning he thought it wouldn't affect him. Then he began to dream about her and her image would come to his mind as he jerked off. He started to treat her even colder, determined not to allow a mere attraction to interfere with his job, but then he realized that he enjoyed getting a reaction out of her. So he kept pressing, looking for that flare of anger in her eyes.  
He has thought about telling her the truth, but he's honest enough with himself to know that he doesn't want her to be gentle with him. He prefers to fantasize that sooner or later he will push the right button and she'll push back harder than ever and follow him down, his hunger reflected in her eyes.

As he hits the floor, though, it's not her face that he sees; it's not passion that he feels. Just before plumbing into darkness, it's fear he tries to swallow down, as the Wraith stands over him.

5\. "I'm sorry."

"I hate you."

"I miss you."

"You didn't protect him."

"I should have protected him, them."

The list goes on and on and keeps growing every day. There are so many things he wants to tell her, but he never will. He hasn't received a formal letter yet, but he knows it none the less: he's not going back to Atlantis.


End file.
